It's hard to say goodbye.

It is with a heavy heart that I return and write this blog post. After an extremely brief battle with cancer, that we were aware of anyway, my father-in-law, the patriarch of the family went home to glory. It was a long 6 weeks of daily hospital visits, and over night stays with Dad in his last days, through to long days and nights planning a funeral no of us wanted to ever have to attend. Now we are left to pick up the pieces, and find ways to remember and honour him every day.



Although we rejoice that he is now in heaven, the loss will be felt for a long time to come. I stand by my advice I gave my husband from the first day his Dad went to the hospital, you will never regret the time you spend with your family. Some of our needs are more urgent than others, and we missed him very much over the weeks while he took the time to be with his Dad. My girls are still re-adjusting to having Daddy back at home some evenings without having to go to the hospital to see him.



Anya learned to crawl while Grandpa was in the hospital. That made hospital visits very difficult as she now wanted to go and explore everything, but I certainly wasn't letting her out of her stroller to do it. Just today she got her top two front teeth! Life certainly doesn't stand still for one minute in this household. I like how she's gotten both sets of teeth in twos; I'm already curious to find out if they will be replaced by adult teeth in the same fashion.



Hailey & Kaia finished out their school year in a flurry of school parties and field trips. Some were damped by all the rain we seemed to be "blessed" with in June. We almost felt like we should consider having a small boat close by in case we were going to float away... but it didn't get quite that bad; but was also just warm enough to grow an extremely unavoidably healthy crop of mosquitos. Seriously, you couldn't even go outside during the hottest part of the day without getting eatten alive through your clothes!



We were blessed to have a short window of time to shower love on Kendale's Dad, knowing how sick he was. Not everyone gets that opportunity. We often allow "life" to get in the way of things/people that really matter to you. Make those important people in your life feel important. Give them your time, your heart and your ear; even an extra squeeze now and again.

Please Pray!

Well, since my old laptop expired, I have't had much time to write here on my blog. When I was reminded by a dear friend that she enjoyed reading it, I thought maybe it was a good time to get back to it. It can be quite helpful to get my thoughts out and work things through a little.

My husband's family was dealt a tragic blow with the sudden decline of their beloved patriarch. At first we were quite hopeful that it was something "simple" and treatable, possibly a reaction of different medications he was taking for a painful back and anxiety. Knowing he needed help they took him to a hospital where he could see specialists, where he was quickly admitted and has remained while they run tests. The tests so far have come back far worse than we could have even imagined. The family has been through a lifetime of worry and woe in one short week.

I am entirely grateful that God is walking through this journey with us, without Him it would seem hopeless. I did not have that assurance when my Grandfather died when I was around 10 years old, and I was completely devestated. I still feel the loss to this day. This, however is an entirely different experience, where my Grandpa's death was quick and unexpected. Although the onset of this was completely unexpected, we've been given time to be with him to show our love and care for him with the understanding that we may not have long. God can still perform miracles, so we continue to have hope that he can be fully restored and will do so until proven otherwise. We hold fast knowing that God has a plan.

Before we were aware that he has cancerous tumors in his head, liver and lungs (and probably other places) we promised the girls that they could go see him in the hospital. We warned them that he was ill, confused and in pain; that he might be sleeping or not recognize them because of pain or medication, but that it would make both Grandpa and Grandma happy to go and see them. This is completely unfamiliar territory for me, as there wasn't a chance to say goodbye to my grandfather, and I have never been at the beside of someone so ill. No preparations are enough to not be affected by what you see and feel in that room. Understandably both girls were upset, but all of us were blessed that he recognized them and even spoke directly to them. Before we left, he told them he was proud of them and that he loved them. Confused or not, that was an extremely touching moment.

So, it is with a heavy heart that I ask you to join us in prayer for our father, and grandfather. Even though the news from the Dr's may be grim, through God all things are possible. Strength to fight, strength to stand, strength to help, strength to accept, strength to hope... all of these are possible with the help of prayer.

With Father's day coming up quickly, I urge you to take a little time to tell or show a Father in your life how much he's appreciated. This year I plan to do that by rubbing the feet of the man who lays in a hospital bed unaware of how little time he may have.

Whew, what a month!

It's been ages since my last post. Lots has happened. Dance makes May absolutely crazy for us, I can only imagine the instructors lives are 100x worse in May. I can barely manage. I think I only sat down with the family for dinner a handful of times all month and that was partly because it was Mother's Day, our Anniversary, and throw in a family birthday in there too!



Well, I suffered the loss of my beloved iBook G4, and could not cope with my old desk top. I broke down and bought a cheap laptop to "get me through". It by no means is loved as much as my previous laptop, and has been challenging to get used to but I'm up and running faster than before. Once I figure out the card reader feature, I'll post new pictures.



Anya is still sprouting firsts. She surprised everyone by getting her first TWO teeth on the same day! Now she has a cute little toothy grin that she loves to share with everyone. It is a joy to see her happy and smiling.

A restful Sunday.

I can't believe it's the middle of May already. There's been craziness, happiness, sadness and always the busy-ness since my last post. We're right in the middle of "Dance Season". From the end of April to the end of May our household is extremely busy with Dance recitals, lessons and Festivals. By June, we covet the time off until September when lessons start up again. Thankfully this year I don't have to juggle work as well as everything else!



I been blessed to have a brother who has gladly shared his technology hand-me-downs with me over the years, and I was quite attached to the laptop he'd given me a year and a half ago... until a week and a half ago it decided it needed a rest. I miss it terribly, and am hoping it can be fixed, but we'll have to just wait and see. Until then I have to survive with my out of date desktop that is slow and clunky.

Sisterchicks Unite!

Ok, I admit it, I'm a Sisterchick at heart.  I fell in love with these books from Robin Jones Gunn a few years back, and quickly read everything that she'd written of the series to that date and have been holding off reading her two latest books until just now.  If you haven't read them they take you on adventures all over the world.

I ended my last post about trying to find your true passion in and for life.  I guess you could say one of my greatest passions is for travel.  If I had all the time, money, and freedom in the world I would really like to explore just that, the world!  These books allow me to take the adventures with the characters with no money, just my library card.  It certainly makes my traveller's heart soar, but long for being able to see these places for myself one day.  Though I must find some more fellow Sisterchicks to accompany me on these adventures, otherwise it just wouldn't be the same!

I still struggle daily with the uncertainty of my future.  I know it is all in God's hands, but the waiting is excrutiating.  I know that I do not and can not live "carpe diem" to the fullest extent, but oh the longing is there.  

It definately gets a soul thinking of what kind of legacy am I leaving for my children?  I bring nothing, have nothing, and will take nothing... but what will be left of me sustainable enough for my beautiful little hearts to cling to when they will need me most and I'm not here for them?  I can only give them my God and my heart... I have nothing else to give.

The questions that Kaia is asking I find incredible for a 5 year old.  I certainly never talked to my parents about the meaning of "thankfulness" or discuss what heaven is when I was her age.  Is God preparing her fragile little heart?  Or am I just reading too much into things lately?

My biggest fear lately is what about my dear little Anya?  She is too little to understand, do I even have enough time to make a real impression on her soul and mind?  If something were to happen, would she even know who I was?  Oh, but my heart breaks for her some moments.

Is it selfish to wish for a long, memory filled life with your children?  Why do I have such a longing to "get away and see the world" if my hearts desire is to have a life with my children?  Life is full of quandries and conundrums!

Thankfully it is spring and life seems to be breaking forth anew.  I took Anya outside last week to delight in the blossoming of my tulips.  It was a gorgeous 22 degrees, and we took a moment to let her feel the new soft grass under her feet for the first time :)  It was a small patch, lush and green and soft like carpet under our feet.  I loved watching her little toes curl and play in the soft grass as though it was an old friendly blanket.  Oh for the little joys in life.

Oh, almost forgot... I encourage you to take a little time and read a book, call an old friend or simply just give your special little one and extra little squeeze ~ just because!

Where does the time go?

Wow, pretty much a month has breezed by and I barely blinked!  We just spent a wonderful weekend at the lake, and look forward to what will hopefully be a beautifully warm summer.

Hailey had a first last week.  One of her dance classes went to Winnipeg for the Canadian Dance National Championships.  It's a very different set up than the usual festivals that we've been to so far.  It seemed very quick and disorganized, but very interesting to watch.  There were new styles and different dance company's that we haven't seen before.  

There were many categories that only had one or two performances, so I was a little disappointed that these groups still got trophies and medals for placing top 3, even though there wasn't really anyone to compare them against.  Thankfully Hailey's grouping had 7 performances, so their first place achievement seemed more meaningful.  She was so excited to receive a medal, her very first!

Unfortunately Hailey's dance thing happened the same day/night as Kaia's very first school concert.  Although I wasn't able to watch the whole thing, I did see her part of the concert, and it was so cute!  Both Kindergarten classes were together singing a cute little song about a mouse.

We cannot leave out Anya, she's been working on a first too.  She's mastered rolling back to front on either side, but still needs to work on front to back.  The newest achievement is sitting.  She (fairly reliably) sits up on her own.  When she gets tired, she can be a little unpredictable yet, so I still like to have the pillow around her.  She quickly learned how to lean right down and lay on to her tummy.  Funny how quickly they learn to love tummy time when they can get there on their own!

All three have fallen in love with a new member of the family, Clover.  She doesn't live with us, but we've managed to get out to Papa's house at least once a week to visit her since my brother gave my Dad the dog.  I'm sure the poor thing barely knows what to do with herself after the kids leave, they certainly love giving her lots of attention!  Almost makes you want to get a pet... almost.  Seeing as I'm allergic to cats, and possibly some dogs (I think even Clover), a pet doesn't seem that close on the horizon.

I had my scar removed the week before last, and seem to be healing up well.  I'm very anxious to get the results back to see if they managed to remove all the bad cells.  Now is the waiting, waiting for test results and waiting to see the dermatologist to determine if and how many other spots will need to be removed.  I'm hoping that within 6 months from now all of this will just be a vague memory and we can get on with our lives.  It's hard some moments to not think the absolute worst, but there is no reason at this point that we still can't wish for the absolute best scenario.

I encourage you to take a little time to reflect and seek out your true passions.  Whether it's cooking, painting, entertaining, or even cleaning.  Try to find the joy in all you do.  If you've mastered that step, find a way to share that joy with others.

Believers or Fools?

Happy April Fools Day!  Although it is April 1st, there are no pranks planned in this household. Rather today is the eve of Good Friday, which means a flurry of planning, and baking and cooking has begun!  

It's been an extra special week.  My brother is "home" visiting from Switzerland, it was my Dad's 60th birthday on Saturday, and both older girls are home from school for March Break.  We had an extra busy day on Monday, as I took the girls into the city to do a little shopping and took in a movie before going out to dinner with the family to celebrate my Dad's birthday.  

We saw the movie Alvin and the Chipmunks (or the Chickmunks as they are known in our house) the Squeakuel.  It was a very cute, funny movie that even Anya seemed to enjoy!  It was Anya's first movie in a theatre.  I was very impressed on how well it went.  Then we joined up with my parents and my brother and his girlfriend and headed off to the restaurant.

We ate dinner at the Ichiban Japanese Steakhouse.  Expensive, but a great evening of food entertainment.  The girls really liked watching the chef flip, cut and cook our food right there in front of us.  It seemed to make a great memory for all of us to celebrate such a special day!

Tuesday I decided to tackle making homemade perogies!  Wow, what an undertaking.  I think they'll be delicious for all the work it took to make them.  Seeing as I'm supposed to be more careful about what I eat, I've decided that I can cheat on my "diet" once in awhile if I have to put in the effort to make things from scratch.  It's so easy to just go and buy things in the store, without ever reading the label to see what's actually in them.  This way I know what's going into them, get a bit of a cooking workout, and hopefully a plateful of delicious food at the end!

This weekend is Easter.  I'm looking forward to spending time with my family, doing some crafts, having some fun, and eating good food.  We have the eggs all ready to be coloured, small gifts and chocolates to be made into a scavenger hunt, and the joy of knowing that our Savior died for us, and is preparing a place at His table, in His house just for us.

How will you celebrate Easter?  Is it just a holiday of bunnies and chocolates?  Or is there something deeper?  Take a little time this weekend and do something special.